i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The beer is more important than you right now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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