you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
