Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
