Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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