I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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