It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
