I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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