my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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