I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
