I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
