I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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