He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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