I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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