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That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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