Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
