His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
