Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My breasts were aching with rage.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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