Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
