I am in a vortex of obligation.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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