Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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