it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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