at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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