Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
