on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
