I wanna bring you to show and tell
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
