what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
