Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
