im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
