please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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