I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
