I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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