maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
