I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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