she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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