I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
