take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
