I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
