lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize