hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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