cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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