hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
