evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i need some magic done to my vagina
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
