Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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