I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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