So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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