there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
