i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
