her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Randomize
