I got chris browned last night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Reggie can tackle my bush.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
