i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
