got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
