NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
