At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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