South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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