Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
