This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
