I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
