I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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