he puts the penis in happiness.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
